OOPS moments !!!!!!!!

Oh, good, here I am, writing again, smiling at myself as I am reflecting back.....
sometimes, we do a right thing which actually turns out to show that we are wrong and we have an "OOPS" moment for ourselves.....but, it's ok, at least we know, we were trying to do something right and atleast we know, where we were wrong/where we can go wrong. We open up and we lose....we hide the things and still we lose....so why can't we just lose with open heart and smile back for the pleasure of just having done the right thing ??!!!! Offer an apology, if we owe one....and don't give up on ourselves, on our faith !!!! For something good really lives within me, within us..... and I believe in my goodness and simplicity....

SMILE, we discovered ourselves, making mistakes help, right ???!!!!

It doesn't matter what people say, it doesn't matter how long it takes, believe in urself and u'll fly.....(ok, these lines are from the movie- "Raise ur voice" but they are so right....)

I lack something.....

Now a days, i find myself asking one question quite frequently " What's the one thing i am passionate about? What's the one thing i do the best? I see my friends doing really great things, really passionate about what they do, and when i turn to myself, i realize, that something lacks...in me....what's the thing i can do anything for? I see people devoting their life to music, i see great paintings -reflecting the devotion.....majestic architecture- what other than passion for perfection? i see mathematicians playing with numbers, i see people lost in their own world, world of creativity......I know my passion- medicine, being a doctor. what can i do being a doctor? I have just one answer, i can just be a doctor, i have everything to offer to this field...i see myself nothing other but working in the field of medicine....But, i lack something, i do....what is it??......Introspect, introspect, introspect..." DO YOUR OWN THING, ON YOUR OWN TERMS" I believe too hard in it. I dream of smiling people because amelioration of pain... I just want to be myself.....and work on myself....I wish I can contribute my lifetime to medicine....i will work on my competencies.....I have to search.....search my own thing....to be meaningful. I just know the sun will shine for me............. !!!!!!!!

Slaves of our own ego.......

You know, how we glorify ourselves, all the time? Really, we are the slaves of our own ego..We never see beyond us....Stoneblinds, in real terms !! When we introspect and look back, we start thinking " Oh, I screwed that situation big time", but seriously, there are thousands of people who have screwed majestically( couldn't find a better word !) and still managed to get back on track, funny thing is, we even glorify our act of screwing and how " I " did it or " how it happened to ME!!! "

The reality, what I believe, is -" The more we get personal, the more we get general". There are thousands and thousands of people who experience the same situations as we do, just that we don't know that this happens to everyone, and start either blaming or gloryfying ourselves.

We get an " A" and start praising ourselves," Oh, I am good......", buddy, look around, people get straight A's in each subject for consecutive years !!!!!! We boast about our poster presentation which went really well, but forget one minute detail, there was someone better who grabbed the prize !!! Oh, it works other way around also...there are moments when we feel ashamed of ourselves....without knowing that other people have same conflicts..momentarily big and important, after giving a thought-futile !!!! Here are few examples...

We are on a dinner table and we don't know how to eat with knife and fork !!!! We go " I am the dumbest person of all", if we think again, lots of people have same difficulty !!!! Just matter of time, we'll learn it, buddy, just learn it, and there's always a first time !!!! They serve us tea in cup and saucer, and we are engrossed in deep thinking, " would it look better if I drink it in saucer?" oh hell, for what, do u think they provided the saucer?" We are giving an oral examination and forget the answer just when the question is asked.....the same answer we have on tip of our tongue otherwise !!!!! or " oh, I can't dance that well..." well, may be we can't and may be we can't in front of people, but atleast we can start enjoying, instead of having pressing thoughts of " can't dance in otherwise enjoyable party !!!! " We just have to get over ourselves at times........................

We give far more importance to the situations and to ourselves......in reality, everyone goes through the same phase sometime or other.....It all depends on how easy and hard we are on ourselves, after analysing the depth of the situation, if at all there's any !!!! If we stop putting " I" before every situation, I think, it's easier to live and understand and learn...........

Different perceptions !!!!

People think " I am smart ", we think " We are smarter ", in reality, everyone fooling oneself !!!!

People think, " Oh, I play it cool", we think, " Leave it, I understand ur tricks", the question in reality, " Why are we playing games in first place ??" Both ends at loss, practically.

We think " We are betrayed", People say " I have a justification, u just misunderstood it all", in reality, both ends lack trust and commitment ( not generalizing for all situations !!!)

We " How could u", People " Why can't we ?" in reality, either both ends correct or both ends wrong, Think about white flag........

We think " This exam is too hard ", people ( examiners !) " This is the easiest exam ever conducted ", in reality, we didn't study hard, people expected too high !!!

We " I am too low to smile ", people " Oh, that fellow just pretends, after all, he lacks nothing, what shall he crave about? Attention seeker, nothing else." well, in reality, u don't get each other....don't just open ur heart to everyone.....

Isn'i it funny to see different perceptions at the same time? Same situation, different views.....not every time, what we communicate gets conveyed with exact meaning......communication gap is a bottomless pit.....

I am not trying to find any solution here or ask " Why does it happen", it's just that it's too funny to observe different views at the same time !!!! Life is easy and hard, at the same time.....strange, funny.....and as real as it gets !!!! Have fun, take it easy, keep ur cool and smile.....That's it !!!!

When close friends hide things from us.....

Did any of ur the closest friend hide something from u, anytime? maintained a professional secrecy? How does it feel that time? Emotions all over the map??? All " why, how, what, if's and but's interplaying in the mind.....People have reasons, justified to their logic...at the same time we are unable to understand those reasons and logic. Happens....life tests....

A heart to heart talk with trusted friend may help...Letting it out, letting the steam off helps...May be the other person whom you talk to about it, can give u the perspective u were ignoring or didn't see...Sharing each others' life experiences helps...It helps to see what people are dealing with, oh yes, they also have weird experiences with people, with friends... certain friend closing down the relation, certain friend having misinterpretation...not one, but, many things about people, about situations....

The pal you open ur heart to, may show u, how confused we are emotionally, at times.The friend may offer you a fruitful solution as well...It's not about " Let me deal with it", but it is " Let me stay with it, though it seems wrong." May be, we require help in building our own patience and remaining calm. Secrecy takes toll emotionally, I agree...but instead of judging a person and reaching any conclusion, it is always better to wait for right time when you two can talk, may be not in present moment, may be in distant future.

किसी और की उमदा रचनाये...

नमस्कार । आज आप सब के सामने मेरी कॉलेज के ज़माने की एक सहेली की कुछ उर्दू रचनाये रखने जा रही हूँ। मुझे ये कविताये बड़ी प्यारी है । नाम लेकर उसे रुसवा ना करने का वादा कल भी था, आज भी कायम है , इसीलिए नाम नही लिख रही...उसने जमा की हुई खुबसूरत कविताओ में से यह कुछ आप सब के लिए...उम्मीद है आप को भी यह पसंद आएँगी। शीर्षक नही है, क्रमांक दिये है ।
१) ए आंसू,
न आया कर उनकी आँखों में यूँ,
बस, इतनीसी तुझ से गुजारिश है ।
इक नूर ही काफी है उनके चेहरे से झलकने के लिए,
फिर भी झलकने की तेरी क्यों ख्वाहिश है ?
उन खुबसूरत आँखों में रहने की तेरी बेकरारी-
मुझ से बेहतर भला कौन समझ सकता है?
मगर उन आँखों में, बस मैं, और मैं ही रहूँ, ये मेरी बेकरारी,
तुझ से बेहतर भला कौन समझ सकता है ?
चल, करते है इक छोटासा समझोता ,
देता हूँ मैं तुझे अपनी आंखों में आने का न्यौता,
माना उस खूबसूरती का किश्त भी इन आंखों में नही ।
मगर इन में उन्ही का चेहरा बसता है,
क्या ये तेरे लिए काफी नही ...................................................................

२) मेरे हमसफ़र , तुझे क्या ख़बर,
वो जो इक रिश्ता -ऐ-दर्द था-
मेरे नाम का, तेरे नाम से,
तेरी सुबह का, मेरी शाम से,
सरे-रहगुजर है पड़ा हुआ, वही ख्वाब-ऐ-जा ।
मेरे हमसफ़र, तुझे क्या ख़बर,
बस, इक मोड़ के फर्क से -
तेरे हाथ से मेरे हाथ तक-
वो जो हाथ भर का था फासला,
कई मौसमों में बदल गया।
उसे नापते, उसे काटते,
मेरा सारा वक्त गुजर गया..........................................................................

३) जिंदगी की राहों में,
चार सू अँधेरा है ।
मन की सुनी वादी में,
खामोशी का डेरा है ।
जितने ख्वाब रोशन थे,
शर्मगी निगाहों में,
जितने पंछी उड़ते थे- भीगती फिजाओ में,
खो गए हवाओं में ।
आँधियों की राहो में ॥
क्या हूँ का आलम है तो फिजा पे तरी है,
हर किसी के चेहरे पर इक सोगवारी है।
तुम को अपना कहने की ये सजा हमारी है ।
हाँ, मगर ये ख्वाहेश है, फिर से ये जहाँ बदले,
मेरा महेरुबा बदले ।
हाँ, अगर तू चाहे-ले चले उधर मुझे,
दो कदम के रस्ते पर इक नया सवेरा है ।
इक बार फिर से कह दे , तू अभी भी मेरा है ...............................................

शब्दों के अर्थ -
हूँ- सन्नाटा
सोगवारी-दुःख

It comes straight from the heart...

Yes, I can be irrational, I can be illogical and I can be unreasonable....at times...only for a very very few times rather rare times but this is what I was perceived as when I expressed the innermost feelings or the truest ones......when I was really honest...may be "weird" was the term used which did hurt......hurt deep down...sure, I am a very simple girl you can come across...in terms of nature, friendship or helping people out ...I could not say this before because I saw it as boasting....now, I tell it 'coz these are the qualities which make me what I am....a strong character but now I grant myself some vulnerability.....I accept it as a part of mine...

As times have changed and I have grown, I have realized one thing...People accept you only when they want...it's really not unconditional...may be we are always considered as " available"......when people say " we understand you", do they really mean it? Over the time, I have started to analyze things, don't know why, I still try to justify people and their deeds, whether good or bad....just to ensure that whatever happened had a just cause for that person, somehow they just end up hurting me more.....for no reason...it's even true for people you love the most...people you love without expectations.....and when you realize that it is always their call to love you and they always need a reason....somehow it hurts...hurts deep down...

Why can't I be "weird" at times? Do people try to figure out was that really weird, irrational, illogical or something else? Whether they analyze that was I honest or was I caring for them/ thinking about them? I have always been mature and good but can't I be granted human nature just once? Why can't I get a chance to speak when I truly deserve? I always believe that the more you get personal the more you get general, I assume what I am writing may be true for everyone somehow, in some respect....I know, writing all this won't help me much or the people who did so won't reconsider but no harm in taking a chance to let people know that " Please analyze when you judge a person or comment something, you may have perceived him/her wrong" and instead of accepting people and caring for them according to your convenience, just try to figure out how they feel, what they truly are and how much they love you" May be you will not speak what you wanted to......Accepting and loving people unconditionally is hard for sure but at least avoid accepting them according to your convenience...May be it hurts even more....If you wish to care, have the courage...Not for the world but for yourself...for your loved ones..for you are blessed to have such people........

आयी बहारे झूम के

सर्दियों का बर्फीला मौसम गुजर चुका, सर्द हवाए बीत गयी, ठिठुरती , ठंडी रुत बीत गयी और झूम के बहारे आ गयी \ अब तक वसंत ऋतू के बारे मे बस सुना ही था, कल्पनाए ही की थी पर जब देखा तो बस देखते ही रह गए ....ओहो , क्या खुबसूरती हर जगह छाई है , फूल ही फूल हर जगह खिले है, हरियाली ही हरियाली है \ जिस ओर नज़र दौडाओ मुस्कुराते नजारे है, झूमती बहारे है \ मेरा छोटासा सा शहर खिल गया, रंगो मे नहा लिया \ हर दिल मे नये अरमान जगानेवाला , हर डूबते दिल मे नयी आस बंधानेवाला खुश गवार मौसम आख़िर आ ही गया \ सर्दियों मे ६ महीने बिताकर जैसे पेड़ पौधे भी हमारी ही तरह थक गए थे\ अपने पत्ते खोकर भी सर्दियों मे खूबसूरत लगनेवाले पेड़ भी अब बेसबरी से वसंत की राह देख रहे थे......मेरा यह पहला ही वसंत और उसके आने की हलकी सी आहट ने ही ख़बर दे दी आनेवाले नजारों की \ यहा के हर फूल का नाम तो नही पता मुझे पर खुबसूरती नाम की मोहताज तो नही होती ना !!!! आप सब के साथ बाटना चाहूंगी यहा की खुशिया, चलो आप सब को दिखाती हूँ यहाँ के प्यारे फूल , अनछुई कलियाँ \\ आप जो भी तस्वीरे अभी देखेंगे वो सारी मेरी प्यारी सहेली सरिता के सौजन्य से है\ और ये सारी तस्वीरे मेरी university की है \ हमारा खिलता हुआ गुलशन देखिये और आप भी हमारी तरह ही झूम जाइये \

बस, यूँही !!!!!

आज बहुत महीनों के बाद फुरसत मिली है , कुछ लिखने की \सोचने मे ही अक्सर वक्त बीत जाता था\ रोज मराह की जिंदगी से अब थोडी फुरसत है के कुछ अपनी पसंद का करे , मन चाहा वक्त बिताये \ गर्मियों की छुत्तिया तो लगी है, पर सुबह साडेसात की जॉब से छुट्टी नही मिली है\ ओह, घर और घर का आराम !!!!! कल पहली बार जरा सकुन से उठी, आराम से कॉफी बनाई और स्वाद लेकर पी !!!! अपने लिए खाली वक्त मिला तो कुछ करने के लिए पहले से ही colouring books लाकर रखी थी और मेरे पसंदीदा रंग भी !!!!! Laptop पर पुराने , नये खूबसूरत गानों का collection लगा दिया और एक प्यारे से दिन की रंगीन शुरुवात की !!!!! बहोत दिनों बाद सकुन की साँस ली !!!!!
फुलों मे रंग भर रही थी मैं, उनकी पंकुडिया, पराग , उनके पन्ने सब मे रंग भरते भरते दिल दिमाग मे शान्ति छा रही थी !!!!! बहोत मजा आया , बहोत दिनों बाद !!!!! न जाने कितनी बार ये सोचा की एक कागज पर print किए हुए बेजान फुलों मे रंग भरते हुए मुझे इतनी खुशी होती है, इतना मजा आता है, तो भगवान जिन्हों ने ये दुनिया इतनी रंगीन बनाई है, इतनी खूबसूरती हर जगह बिखेरी है, उन्हें कितना आनंद आया होगा !!!! उनकी कारागरी के क्या कहने !!! गुजरे कई दिनों की थकान मिट रही है अपने नये अनुभवो को जोड़ रही हूँ अच्छे से सान्धकर लिखूंगी यहाँ !!! अब लिखने का, बाटने का वक्त आ गया है !!!!! Lexington की खूबसूरत दुनिया, यहा के वसंत की प्यारी सी झल्किया आप सब के लिए लाऊँगी ..जल्द ही !!!!!

बस यही सिखा है /

लोग और दुनिया मेरी समझ के परे है / ऐसा नही कि मेरे हिस्से मे जीवन के सभी अनुभव है , पर जितने कुछ है उनसे लोगो के बारे मे इतना बहोत बार देखा कि लोग बहोत जल्दी सब कुछ भूल जाते है/
आप का प्यार ,आप का विश्वास, दोस्ती , और सहानुभूती कि लोगो को कोई परवाह नही होती/ बहोत बार लोग आप का सिर्फ इस्तेमाल करते है और जरूरत खत्म होने पर आप को भूल जाते है /बड़ी अजीब सच्चाई है जिंदगी कि , आप कि अच्छाई का लोग बस इस्तेमाल करते है /
आप जिन्हें अपने जीवन का हिस्सा मानते हो, अनमिट कहानी मानते हो , उन्हें आप को अपने आप से अलग करने मे एक पल भी नही लगता ,नही तकलीफ होती है / आज तक समझ नही पाई, नही कभी समझ पावूंगी कि लोग पत्थर कैसे बनते है !!!!! चलो, जीने का एक तरीका ही समझ कर ऐसे अनुभवों को अपने साथ लिए चल रही हूँ, जीवन कि पूंजी मे हर अनुभव कि कीमत है !!!!!!! यह नही के इन्सानीयत पर विश्वास नही, भरोसा नही, नही-गहरा विश्वास है, हर बुराई मुझे अपने आप को और अच्छा बनाने कि प्रेरणा देती है, चाहे लोग आप को भुला दे पर आप का जमीर आप कि नेकी को नही भूलता , आप खुद साथ तो सच्चे है, जीवन का बस यही हासिल -नेकी कर कुवे मे डाल/ रिश्तों से हार झेलनी पड़ती है पर मेरी खुदी तो जीतती है, बस जीने के लिए अपनी नेकी का सहारा काफी है///